In an article, Steven Stosny Ph.D. lists 25 things men do that can promote fear (anxiety) in their female partner and 25 things women do that can promote shame in their men.
25 ways to make a woman anxious (fear)
• Ignore her
• Tell her what to do
• Be short with your answers
• Tune out her feelings
• Stonewall or give her the cold shoulder
• Take her for granted
• Limit or criticize her spending
• Tell her stop worrying
• Tell her she’s making too much of it
• Tell her to get over it
• Tell her she talks too much
• Complain about her weight
• Criticize her family
• Withdraw or shut down
• Yell or get angry
• Pout or sulk
• Threaten to quit your job
• Flirt with other women
• Don’t know her dreams
• Tell her she’s just like her mother
• Complain about her girlfriends
• Give her the cold shoulder
• Dismiss her ideas
• Sound like you’re trapped in the marriage
• Buy a sports car
25 ways to stimulate shame in a man
• Exclude him from important decisions
• Correct what he says
• Question his judgement
• Give unsolicited advice
• Dismiss his opinion
• Imply inadequacy
• Make unrealistic demands of his time and energy
• Overreact
• Ignore his desires
• Focus on what you didn’t get, rather than what you got
• Withhold praise
• Use a harsh tone
• Be abrupt – spring things on him
• Undermine his wishes
• Condescend
• Criticise his personality
• Disrespect his work
• Show little or no interest in his interests
• Criticize his family
• Interpret, psychoanalyze, or diagnose him
• Make comparisons to other men
• Focus on your unhappiness
• Put friends before him
• Value others’ needs over his
• Rob him of the opportunity to help
Andrew is a Couples Coach in his private practice, Kardinya Counselling located in Werribee & Point Cook, Victoria. After working in the IT industry for 15 years, he started following his passion of helping couples find a better way of relating.